I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
