Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
