hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
