I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
