New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
