This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He shit in the fireplace
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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