Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
