I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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