I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
