she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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