how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
