You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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