but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
