Me too!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
