Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
