You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
