You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
