You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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