I don't think brook has ever known best
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
