My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
