just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
