The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
