We're facebook friends in real life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
