That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
