I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
