she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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