just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
