I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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