also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
