I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
