I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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