Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
