but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
