mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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