you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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