Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
