a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
