i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
