I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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