his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
