Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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