does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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