After last night, I could never be a politician.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
