I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
