I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
