Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
