everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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