We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
