1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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