it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
