you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
