i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
