he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
