Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
